Vegan Chicken and Jicama Pho with Basil Mint, Cilantro, Garlic and Lemon Pistou

Well, it seems that my tales of teenage stoner-dom are a much bigger hit with all you lovely readers than stories about my Brazilian waxing. This week, I'll divulge a tale of psychedelic proportions that my family has yet to let me live down. You see, I used to have a torrid love affair with magic mushrooms. I had many a great trip, leaving me feeling divinely connected with the universe and all who ate them with me. But there was one trip in particular that, well, let's just say it wasn't "all good, man". 

My best friend's grandfather had just passed away, and I made the trek back to Youngstown to support her and attend the funeral. I also happened to bring one gigantic mushroom with me that I'd been saving for a special occasion. I don't know what in my sick head led me to believe that the eve of a funeral counted as such, but when you're 18, your idea of a good decision is usually clouded by negative external influence.   

Here's how the night played out... 

My best friend and I are at my childhood home sitting on the back porch. Pivotal story fact: My entire immediate family was home at the time. Like I said, I wasn't the best decision making. I split the gigantic mushroom in half, and I consumed the slightly larger part. All's going well, and we start watching the iTunes visualizer and wait for the magic to happen. I decide to get up to use the bathroom. That's when everything started to spiral sideways. The shrooms started to kick in not very gently. 

For a split second, I look in the mirror. I suddenly have no idea who I am, where I am, or any knowledge of eating shrooms. I was a complete blank slate...somewhat like a newborn baby. At a loss for what to do, and without a care nor thought, I lay down on my living room carpet and stare up at the ceiling. My mother walks into the room to find me zoned-out on the floor. Then, all chaos erupts. 

 

Mom: "Jenn, are you okay?" 

Me: "Who are you?"

 

Mom: "Oh my god! What are you on this time?!" My mother runs out to the porch where my best friend is tripping and having a great time. 

 

Mom: "What the hell is wrong with Jenn? Did you take Ecstasy?!?" 

Friend: "Oh, it's fine, Mrs. Shagrin. We just ate mushrooms. Everything is great!" 

My mom immediately flips out believing I'm overdosing, and runs back inside. FYI: It's nearly impossible to overdose on psilocybin, and is not usually fatal unless combined with alcohol. 

Mom: "Jenn, you're poisoned. You are going to die. I'm taking you to the hospital!" 

Keep in mind that I'm a complete blank slate, so I absorb whatever is said like a sponge. I now believe that I'm actually going to die, and start having a raging panic attack. My mom drives me to the hospital, but is hesitant to take me inside because: 

A) She works there, and doesn't want her co-workers to think her daughter is a druggie. 

B) She knows that they'll admit me to the psychiatric ward, which is probably where I belonged at that point in my life. 

We sit in the hospital parking lot for almost two hours, and as I start to come down, the mushrooms have a truth serum-like effect. I confess every single "bad" thing I've done in my life. To top it off, I try to convince my sweet, scared-shitless pharmacist mother that it truly was "all good, man", and that mushrooms were amazing medicine. I spent a nice 30 days in rehab following that lovely evening. 

My best friend was stuck hanging out with my dad and little sister while tripping balls, and hand-wrote a journal of her experience on 50+ Post-It Notes. It is one hilarious chronicle of how psylocybin heightens experiences and expands consciousness. The inner-workings of psylocybin on my best friend's brain made her quite a comedic poet. After the funeral the next day, we took the Post-It Chronicles to Kinko's. We lined up all 50ish notes and made a giant poster-board commemorating our wild night. I keep it on my wall to this very day. Well, I hope that story is truly unPHOgetable. Muahaha.

Vegan Chicken and Jicama Pho with Basil Mint, Cilantro, Garlic and Lemon Pistou

• 1/8 cup Vegetable Shortening
• 1 batch of Vegan Chicken, cut into bite sized pieces
• 16 cups No Chicken Broth
• 1 large Onion
• 1 Daikon, peeled and sliced
• 5 large Carrots, peeled and sliced
• 2 Jicama, peeled and sliced
• 4 whole Anise Seeds
• 4 whole Cloves
• 1 Ginger Root, about 4 inches long
• 1 Cinnamon Stick
• 6 Whole Black Peppercorns
• About 3 TBSP of Vegetarian Fish Sauce
• 1 lb Rice Noodles, cooked very al Dente
• About 1 lb of Bean Sprouts
• Chili Paste, for serving on the side (optional)
• Vegetarian Hoisin Sauce, for serving on the side (optional)

In a very large pot over medium heat, melt the vegetable shortening until it's completely liquefied. Add in the vegan chicken pieces and 16 cups of No Chicken Broth, then allow to cook. Take the Onion and peel it completely, the carefully hollow out the center. Place the anise, ginger root, cloves, peppercorns and cinnamon inside of the onion. Using tongs to hold the onion, place it directly over your stove's burner until well browned. Add to the "chicken" and stock pot. Also add the whole cloves and vegetarian fish sauce to the stock pot, then followed by the carrots and daikon. Allow the broth to cook for about an hour, until the vegetable are softened, then taste to see if more vegetarian fish sauce is needed. Skim off any excess fat if necessary. While the soup is simmering is the best time to cook the noodles in a separate pot. To serve each bowl of soup, ladle in a good amount of broth and veggies, add the noodles and serve topped with bean sprouts and pistou. On the side, serve the chili sauce and vegetarian hoisin sauce. To Make the Pistou...

• 1 small Sliced White Onion
• 3 Green Onions, roughly chopped
• 1 small bunch Fresh Cilantro
• 1 cup tightly packed Fresh Mint Leaves
• 1 cup tightly packed Fresh Basil Leaves
• 1/4 Fresh Lemon Juice
• 3 Cloves Garlic
• 1/4 cup Vegetable Oil
• Pinch of Salt and Freshly Cracked Black Pepper

Using a food processor, first puree the while onion and garlic. Add the rest of the ingredients to the food process, and puree until completely blended, scraping down the sides once during the blending process. Serve atop Pho.