Vegan Chicken Marsala Masala with Fresh Morels

I find many people assume being a Vegan indicates one is also a health fanatic, or just generally fanatical. As Vegans, we don't smoke, we rarely drink, and our recreational drugs are Valerian Root, B12 injections and Cat's Claw. And what's that you say? "Fun?" Never heard the term before in my life. Now if you'll excuse me, I have titillating Saturday evening plans that involve sipping Kombucha and removing the knots from my cats fur with a bio-degradable fine tooth comb. 

Wrong. 

I know many a Vegan Party Monster, myself included. I must admit, I'm not the best about maintaining my bodies physical health. I fucking dread going to the doctor. I've turned inward to self-analyze my paradoxical duality. I’ve come up with one compelling argument (we Geminis have inner-arguments vs conflicts)  This breaks down into two theories, the later being the likely winner.

1) My Jewish mother was a hypochondriac for me. The smallest cough, ache or nose dribble was reason enough for a trip to Dr. Hazelbaker's eerie, sterile office. They would come at me with needles, I would scream & cry, pharmaceuticals were issued, and I was rewarded with love, comfort and gifts. A little bit suspicious, mom. I know your mothering instincts received positive reinforcement. was satiated. Suspicious, indeed.

2) Being the manipulative child I was (am?), I quickly and quietly learned to be advantageous of her intuitive, caring mom-ness. In elementary school, I easily spent at least 1/3 of each school year home "sick with a stomachache.” This was secret code for “need a mental health day.” I would lay on the couch, eating granola bars and Funyuns while watching re-runs of Golden Girls and The Price is Right. To boot, I faked a few injuries. All of these “ailments” landed me countless trips to pediatricians and ERs. Reality check: I’m sounding much more than suspicious.

In high school, “sick day”  became secret code for "hiding out in my best friend's shed smoking blunts and guzzling PBR". I knew the way to my mom's heart indeed through my stomach in more ways than one. Regardless of how many hours of my pre-collegiate education I enjoyed avoiding, karma balanced the scales during every grueling doctor visit. I ended up actually getting injured a few times between 16 to 18. I never faked a damn thing again.

The slightest throat scratch now has me chugging Wellness Formula tablets and orange juice faster than I can bong a beer. The only way I'll usually pay a visit to a doctor now is if I'm rendered senseless by pain or blood loss. Luckily, since I've left home, that only happened once when I developed an ulcer in my eye after leaving my contacts in for 3 months straight. 

Shocker — my mom warned never to sleep in them. I finally sucked it up last week and saw not one or two, but FOUR different doctors for check-ups. I am proud to say that my teeth, eyes, organs and lady parts are all in excellent condition. And I have no STDs to boot. If that doesn't speak volumes for the wonders of a vegan diet, I don't know what does.

Vegan Chicken Marsala Masala with Fresh Morels

• 1 1/2 cups No Chicken Broth (I like Better Than Bouillon brand)
• 1/2 tsp Garam Masala Powder
• Pinch of Tumeric Powder
• A few threads of Saffron
• 1 batch Vegan Chicken Breast, thinly sliced (recipe follows)
• Salt and Pepper, to taste
• Unbleached All Purpose Flour, enough for dredging chicken
• 4 TBSP Vegan Butter
• 2 TBSP Shallots, finely diced
• 2 cloves fresh Garlic, pressed or minced
• 3 cups Morel Mushrooms, cleaned and halved (or Portobello, sliced, if not available)
• 2 tsp Olive Oil
• 1 cup Marsala wine
• 1/2 cup Vegan Heavy Cream
• 2 TBSP Lemon Juice
• 1 sprig of fresh Flat Leaf Parsley, chopped

In a small saucepan, heat chicken broth, garam masala powder, tumeric powder and saffron until just warm and all spices are infused. Remove from heat and set aside. 

Sprinkle the "Chicken" Breast slices with salt and pepper, then lightly dredge (coat) each slice of in unbleached flour. 

In a large heavy skillet, melt the first 2 TBSP of vegan butter over medium heat. Brown the "Chicken" Slices in batches on both sides, adding a 1/2 TBSP more vegan margarine in between each batch, then remove from pan and set aside. 

In the same "Chicken" skillet, add the melt the final TBSP of vegan margarine. Add the shallots, garlic, morels, and olive oil. Saute until the shallots are translucent and morels are softened. Pour Marsala wine and Lemon Juice into the skillet, and cook until Marsala is reduced by half. 

Whisk in the No Chicken Broth with spices. Cook, partially covered, over medium-low heat until slightly reduced, about 10-15 minutes. Stir in heavy cream and fresh parsley, and combine well, scraping up any bits from the bottom of the pan. Taste for salt and pepper. 

Arrange a few slices of "Chicken" on each plate, and pour sauce and morels over top and serve. This dish tastes great served over mashed potatoes, rice or pasta.

Vegan "Chicken" Style Seitan

“Chicken” Seitan Dough:

• 1 cup Vital Wheat Gluten
• 1 cup Water mixed with 1 tsp Better Than Bouillon® No Chicken Broth Paste
• 1 1/2 TBSP Vegan Heavy Cream

“Chicken” Seitan Broth:

• 8 cups Water mixed with 9 tsp Better Than Bouillon® No Chicken Broth Paste
• 1 cup Vegan Heavy Cream
• 7 Whole White Button Mushrooms
• 1 tsp Shallot Powder
• 1/2 tsp Onion Powder
• 1 tsp Roasted Garlic Powder
• 2 Bay Leaves
• Pinch of Celery Seeds

First, take all of the Seitan Broth ingredients, and mix them together in a very large pot. Bring to a boil. While the broth’s starting to heat up, make your Seitan Dough by mixing and kneading the vital wheat gluten, water/bouillon blend, and heavy cream until it’s completely mixed. 

It will be a little more wet than most seitan doughs. Squeeze out the excess liquid, and form the mixture into a ball. 

On a cutting board, flatten the ball out, and use a sharp knife or kitchen shears to cut into six pie wedge “Chicken Breast” shaped pieces. Before putting in boiling broth, flatten each part down by pressing it firmly between your hands, then drop each part into the pot. 

Cover the pot, reduce heat to simmer, and let the seitan cook for about an hour, stirring every 10-15 minutes. Don’t throw out the broth! Use a slotted spoon to remove each “Chicken Breast,” and place into a colander to drain. Let both the “Chicken Breasts” and the broth cool. Allow the “Chicken Breasts” to marinate in the broth until ready to use, if time allows you. Drain again before using.