Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Miniature Cajun-Spiced "Cheese" Beignets with Dill Dijon Aioli Dip

After being Procrastination Patty for the past few weeks, I've finally started plowing through my To-Do List (or should I say To-Do Pile?). I'm not the type to just gently work my way thought my hefty workload, rather I bulldoze through it all in a matter of hours. In the past 12 hours, I've addressed and mailed ALL my wedding invitations, payed all my bills, cleaned my kitchen, wrote three recipes, vacuumed my entire apartment, took Jane to a job interview deep in the valley, and even found time for a coital interlude. A very successful 12 hours, indeed. Did I mention I did all of this completely sober with nary an energy drink in sight? I think sometimes I have crack in my bloodstream. Oh well, at least it's all done.

I find it odd because as a teenager, I was the biggest lazy ass on the planet. My room looked like a tornado blew threw a pizza restaurant but somehow managed to miss all the glass bongs sitting by the windowsill. I made my bed maybe a total of 10 times. My mom's cleaning lady even devoutly refused to even clean my room following the time she found a rotting grilled cheese sandwich inside my closet. How it got there? I have no idea. But I'm not very well versed in any topic dealing with "in the closet", so I have a get-out-of-jail-free pass on that one.

I was going to continue on the topic of how I morphed from stoner slob to neat freak, but I was just reminded of a lovely story that pertains to the previously mentioned cleaning lady. Ok. Here we go. So, one night my friends and I are passing around the bong when there's a little accident. The bowl breaks off from the glass down stem, which left me with only a clear glass tube that was shattered on one end. My stupid ass left the glass tube on the table, then I headed off to work.

When my cleaning lady found the clear glass tube, she ran up to my mother and screamed "Jennifer's smoking crack! I know it! This is a crack pipe!"

My mom, of course, goes ape shit, and leaves me the following voicemail:

Mom: "Jennifer, there is something I don't like going on at this house, and that something is CRACK COCAINE!". Don't try to lie to me. I know exactly what you're up to. You are going to rehab immediately. You and all your crack head friends need help, and I'm going to be the one to save you! "

I receive the voicemail, and and completely confused as I've never even seen crack before in my life. I rush home to find my mom holding the glass tube, then I just bust up laughing. I hold the broken tube up to the bowl piece, and my mom almost cries tears of relief.

That was a typical day when I was 17. I'm happy to report that my mother and I now have a much more fruitful relationship based on love and trust.

Alright. Food time.

Miniature Cajun-Spiced "Cheese" Beignets with Dill Dijon Aioli Dip

For the Beignets
  • 5 TBSP Vegan Margarine, cut into small pieces
  • 1 tsp Yellow Mustard Powder
  • 2 tsp Cajun Blast or other Creole Seasoning
  • 1/2 tsp Kosher Salt or more if needed (to taste)
  • 1/8 tsp Cayenne Pepper
  • Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste
  • 1 cup Water
  • 1 heaping cup Flour
  • 1 cup MImicCreme mixed with 8 TBSP "Egg" Mix
  • 1/2 cup shredded Daiya Mozzarella Cheese
  • 1/2 cup Dr. Cow's Tree Nut Cheese, finely grated
  • Peanut Oil, enough for frying

In a medium saucepan over medium heat, combine the vegan margarine, mustard powder, Cajun Blast and pepper. Add the 1 cup of water, then bring to a boil. Using a wooden spoon, add all the flour and quickly beat the ingredients together until the form a ball that doesn't stick to the sides of the pan.

Leaving the burner on, remove the pan from heat and beat in half of the MimicCreme/"Egg" Mix mixture until completely combined. Place the pan back over the burner and incorporate the rest of the MimicCreme/"Egg" Mix mixture, then remove from heat again and beat until a smooth dough is formed.

Return to the stove top again and cook, stirring frequently, for 1-2 minutes until the dough is shining and smooth. Cool slightly, then beat in both cheeses.

Pour about 3 inches of oil into a deep pot or deep fryer, then heat to 375 degrees F. Working in batches, drop about a rounded teaspoon of dough into the hot oil. Fry, flipping once, until the beignets are puffed up and evenly browned on all sides, about 3-4 minutes.

Place on a paper-towel lined plate to drain prior to serving.

Dill Dijon Aioli Dip

  • 1 cup Vegan Mayo
  • 1/2 cup Vegan Sour Cream
  • 1/4 c Dijon Mustard
  • 1 TBSP French White Vinegar
  • 1/2 cup loosely packed Fresh Dill
  • 1/4 cup Olive Oil
  • Salt and Freshly Cracked Black Pepper, to taste

First, add the garlic to the food processor and pulse a few times to mince. Then, combine all of the rest of the ingredients except the olive oil in the food processor. Turn the machine on and blend for a few moments, then scrape down the sides of the food processor with a spatula. Turn the machine on again, and with the machine running, slowly pour in the olive oil until fully incorporated. Taste for salt and pepper.


Anonymous said...

Haha if your food is half as good as your story they must be delicious. That was a great story I laughed out loud!

Jenni (aka Vegyogini) said...

I need more of your stories in my life and, WOW, savory and spicy beignets! Why hasn't anyone thought of that before?

Anonymous said...

1/2 CUP of dr cow cheese?!?!?!! what, do you think i'm MADE OF MONEY????

PS ur hilariousss

Witch City Runner said...

Your blog kills me! I mean, I'm laughing out loud one minute, and then it's like ADD kicks in..because then I'm all like "mmmmm, biegnets!". This is followed by reading the blog again and snorting. Seriously. Every time I come here. THANK YOU! :-)

Lowen said...

Always excited to see a new recipe from this blog! So how much garlic for the aioli? I don't see it in the ingredients list.

Sindy said...

At least your mom didn't yell at you about smoking pot! LOL

Bianca said...

Speaking of glass bongs, where was this recipe when my stoner slob self was blowing through bags of Doritos attempting to quell the munchies? These sound way better! In fact, I have a carton of MimicCreme and a buttload of Daiya right now. I may have to sub something out for the Dr. Cow (I'm with Quarrygirl on that one ... that's expensive!). But these are definitely going on the to-make list.

BTW, the crack story is hilarious! I recently received some Glass Dharma straws that I won on a blog giveaway, and I was a little afraid my co-workers (I had them delivered to the office) would think I was ordering fancy-ass crack pipes.

CPNC said...

How were you so lucky to have a mom relieved that you were only smoking pot? Awesome story. Love your blog.

Jenn Shagrin said...

Hey Lowen:
Thanks for letting me know!
It's 3 cloves of garlic. Guess I'll have to fix that :)

Shags said...

Hmmmm...nothing about the mushroom escapade?

Trinity (of haiku tofu) said...

Holy shit, those look amazing. I love cajun flavor in anything, but especially in deep fried things.

I am also a slob-turned-tidy lady. Having a family is good inspiration, but I didn't think of myself as a "neat freak"... I went to my old college roommate's house last week (when we lived together she used to get PISSED OFF at how messy I was) and I realized that I run a cleaner house than she does now. That was when I knew just how seriously I have changed. I like it. Though I will admit my house looks kinda shitty now. Good job on getting all your stuff done today- and double good job on not being a crackhead.

Cortney said...

Ah, pot. I remember when I reached the age - about 10- where my mom felt she could tell me that the star leaves in the backyard of my granny's house that I remember as a little girl were actually marijuana. That my granny grew from a plant given to her by my grandpa for her birthday. Oh family traditions...

In other news, that dill sauce will be made very soon. You could put dill on the bottom of a shoe and I'd probably at least try and lick it.

Melisser; the Urban Housewife said...

Holy Lord, these look insane!

x said...

OMG - YUM! They look like deep-fried goodness!

And hilarious story, I can't imagine what us kids put our parents through!