Sunday, February 28, 2010

"Chicken" Breasts and Zucchini Pappardelle with Dijon Tarragon Sauce

I'm not one to really focus on my physical appearance. I usually just throw on jeans and a t-shirt every day, and accept the fact that I'm short and a little on the scrawny side. And to say the very least, my bosom isn't exactly what I'd call "ample"...or so I thought. All of sudden, at 24, my boobs have started to grow. This radical phenomenon is AWESOME. It's a pleasant surprise to myself and my wifey. I'd given up hope long ago. My mother and little sister, to say it nicely, have gigantic tits. At 16, I'd look at all the other women in my family and wonder what the fuck happened to me. How did I lose the genetic lottery? Well, not anymore! I can now happily stop shopping in the little girls training bra section at Target and move over to the ladies department.

Ok. So I don't really wear little girl bras. I was just going for flare.

Anyway, I've been working on some really exciting recipes lately. I'll be debuting a few of them on the bloggy blog over the next few months, but I'm going to slow down posting for a while to focus on planning my super amazing wedding. Speaking of all things lesbian, I'd appreciate it if y'all voted for my blog in the Lesbian Lifestyle Blog Awards in the Humor category. While the primary focus of this site isn't to just highlight how incredibly gay I am, I do feel like it has a running chance to compete for all things funny in lesbo land. There's a lovely little link in the upper part of the left sidebar. If you vote for me, I'll love you even more than I my bride to be. Just don't tell my fiance I said that ;)

Well, that's enough rambling. I'm going to head off to Target and enjoy purchasing myself a new B cup bra that I can parade around in proudly. I may not even wear a shirt for the next few days.

"Chicken" Breasts and Zucchini Pappardelle with Dijon Tarragon Sauce

For the "Chicken" and Zucchini Pappardelle
  • 2 lbs Zucchini
  • 3 cloves Garlic, thinly sliced
  • 1 batch of Vegan Chicken Breasts, cut into 2 inch pieces
  • 1-2 TBSP Olive Oil
  • 2 TBSP Dry White Wine
  • Salt and Pepper, for seasoning "Chicken"

Using a mandolin, vegetable slicer or sturdy hand and knife, slice the zucchini into 1/8 inch thick slices, place into a large bowl, then set aside.

Season the vegan chicken pieces well with salt and pepper, then heat the olive oil in a large skillet over medium high heat. Add the garlic to the pan, and saute for 30 seconds. Add the "chicken" pieces to the pan and saute until golden brown on both sides.

Once browned, add the white wine to the skillet to de-glaze, then pour the contents of the skillet over top of the zucchini pappardelle and toss well to combine.

For the Dijon Tarragon Sauce
  • 3 1/2 cups No Chicken Broth
  • 4 TBSP Vegan Margarine
  • 4 TBSP Flour
  • 2 TBSP Dijon Mustard
  • 2 TBSP Fresh Tarragon, chopped
  • Salt and Pepper, to taste

Melt the vegan margarine in a saucepan over medium high heat, then whisk in the flour and cook for two minutes while whisking constantly. Slowly pour the No Chicken Broth into the pan, whisking as you pour, until the contents of the pan are fully combined.

Bring the contents of the pan to a slow boil, stirring occasionally, until the sauce has begun to thicken. Stir in the Dijon mustard and fresh tarragon, then allow the sauce to simmer for 5-10 minutes until further thickened, stirring occasionally. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Toss with "Chicken" and Zucchini Pappardelle.


Gina said...

I would love to vote for you, I definitely think you fit the humor category! And I'm glad to hear you're growing some boobs...and getting married!

This looks awesome, and not too involved, I'll have to give it a shot!

Trinity (of haiku tofu) said...

That looks awesome! Hilarious way to celebrate your new cutlets. I'll go vote for you right now- have fun planning your wedding!! woo woo love party!

deromanticize said...

1. I had the same breast issues growing up. Especially when I compared myself to my sister. I finally grew some when I went on birth control my senior year of high school and then topped out by sophomore year of college. Still not as large as my sister, but she got fat from being pregnant so I think we're even. Done with personal info.

2. This recipe looks amazing and also simply to make. It's definitely going on my list of future dinners.

Mihl said...

Sure I vote for you. And I would have shared my tits with you when I was 16.

Meredith said...

I went to vote for you, but apparently my company's web blocker blocks all offensive content... including "gay and lesbian issues" based webpages. WTF? So I guess lesbians are as bad as porn and streaming video, according to my company. I'll vote when I get home. *sigh*

ashley said...

congratulations on the boobs, dude!

Jes said...

Woohoo new boob day! And you didn't have to get preggers and breast feed for it to happen--all the better! I didn't get any boobs until a year ago. It was an exciting moment when I had to buy new bras :)

And holy cluck, that looks like real chicken--I'm impressed!

The Voracious Vegan said...

I would LOVE to vote for you, your website makes me laugh (and drool) like none other! Unfortunately, here in KSA anything GLBTQ related is completely banned and blocked by an internet firewall. :-( I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you and I just know you'll win!

And by the way, this plate of food is AMAZING! I can't believe how realistic that chicken looks. Sooooo droolworthy.

JennShaggy said...

Thank you! That's crazy that your work blocks the content. Like all things lesbian are porn-related haha. Well, maybe in my world.

Melisser; the Urban Housewife said...

There you go again with the amazing recipes! sheesh.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Jess - The Domestic Vegan said...

This looks ridiculously delicious!

That's so funny about your boobs. Congrats on your new ample bosom! :) I'm a lil' ol' A cup (barely), and have been since I was like 12 years old!! I actually really like having small boobs because I feel like I've been on both sides of the fence; when I was 10 & had "gigantic" boobs compared to all my friends who still had breast buds the size of mosquito bites, I was self-conscious & wished for nothing more than to be flat. WELL, my boobs stopped growing in middle school & I've been happy as a clam ever since. :D

Chrissy said...

I love all the amazing looking fake meats you make. I have a quick question though. Is the no chicken and beef better than bouillon something that you find at your local whole foods, or is that something that I, in the meat-addicted philly area, will have to special order online?

奇奇怪怪 said...


Farty Girl said...

Hey girl! I haven't written in a while... mainly because all I can think to say about each of your recipes is... omg!!! that's amazing!!! your food is so beautiful! wish i could eat it!

but i'm still here... sayin' hi! :)