Vegan Matzo Brie (Vegan Fried Matzo & Scrambled Eggs)

Blog Readers: I rarely ask favors. I don't think it’s proper Blogger etiquette to request something in a forum that's suited for leisure. Just yesterday, I finished the first draft of my cookbook. I need help with two things: 

1) I need readers. You don't have to read the whole thing...If enough people are interested, I'll break it up into sections. In my mind, it should be written in a manner that's easy for home cooks to understand. I did my best to break every recipe down...explaining the shortcuts you can take to simplify my often complex recipes. If you're interested, drop me an email at VeganizeIt@gmail.com 

2) If you live in the state of California, PLEASE do whatever you can, when possible, to help support the overturn of Prop 8. 

The longer time passes without my ability to wed, the more I eat emotionally as I’m angry and deeply disappointed over the complete lack of equality. Help the LGBTQ community obtain our Constitutional Rights before my inescapable Jewish Middle-Aged Spread hits. Thank you for listening and doing exactly as I say. You’re all the best.

Growing up, I didn't really like Matzo. I dreaded the arrival of Pesach, fully knowing that the Matzo Curse was about to rear it's ugly head in the Shagrin Household. "Curse?!", you ask. Yes. When it was that time of the Jew Year when leavened bread products were replaced with Matzo, all chaos broke loose. My mother, typically the sweetest, strongest woman I know, would be stricken with Matzoitis. It's a condition that affects the lower digestive organs, plugging her up in the worst way possible. 

She would try so hard to make it through the holiday without yeast-risen products. The Matzo would continue to accumulate in her lower organs, forcing all of her tension and anxiety to explode from her top…and something not so nose-friendly to explode from elsewhere. My sister and I, two of the biggest food lovers I know, had to start off our day with a Pesach-Approved version of Fruit Loops. They tasted akin to cardboard pureed with Elmer's glue and artificial Prune extract. I don't know if it was the taste that made us so crabtastic or the sugar withdrawal without our Frosted Flakes.  I do know that no one in temple sat within a 5-foot-radius of our entire family. My grandparents started reserving the back row for all of us.

Daddy Shags is a smart man. He avoided the whole damn situation by escaping to his friends house to “play poker” and down some Jew Brews. Okay...perhaps I embellished slightly. Very slightly. But I still couldn't get down with Matzo. 

The only time I remember thinking "Wow. Yum." after taking a bite is when Grandma Fanny or Mom would cook Matzo Brie aka Fried Matzo. Traditionally, it's Matzo scalded with hot water, dipped in beaten eggs and pan fried. Some like it savory, some like it sweet. If your sweet tooth is larger than mine, add a little sugar at the end.

Vegan Matzo Brie

Basic Scrambled “Eggs” Mix

Chef's Note: It's Jenn from the future again. In 2022, you can make this with a vegan liquid egg products available nearly everywhere called Just Egg and Simply Eggless. Future Jenn just saved y'all a lot of time, money and dishes.

• 1 12 oz package Soft Silken Tofu 

• 1 12 oz package Extra Firm Silken Tofu 

• 1/4 cup Heavy Cream 

• 3/4 cup "Egg" Mix 

• 1 TBSP Mellow White Miso Paste dissolved in 1 TBSP Hot Water 

• Dash of Garlic Powder • Dash of Turmeric • Dash of Yellow Mustard Powder 

• 2 dashes of Curry Powder 

• 1 1/2 Black Himalayan Salt, to taste 

• About 1 TBSP Nature’s Flavor Orange Food Coloring (optional, for color) Make the Scrambled "Egg" 

Mix first, then set aside: Blend all of the above ingredients except for the Extra Firm Tofu in a food processor. Add the Extra Firm Tofu to the food processor at the very end, and just pulse a few times until it’s broken up. Taste for salt. You can use this basic “Egg” recipe as you would in a Quiche, any Scramble recipe, you name it! Get creative. It should look like so...

Matzo Brie

• 4 pieces Matzo
• 3-4 cups Water
• 2 1/2 cups Basic Vegan Scrambled "Egg" Mix (or the above linked Vegan Egg liquids)
• 1-2 TBSP Vegan Butter, for frying
• Salt and Pepper, to taste

Break up the Matzo into about 2-3 inch size pieces, then place in a colander. Bring the Water to a boil. Melt the Vegan Butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Once the Butter has melted, Brie (scald) the Matzo by pouring boiling water over them, then draining as quickly as possible to prevent sogginess. Quickly mix with the Scrambled "Eggs", and cook over low to medium heat until golden brown on one side, then flip over and brown the other side. Taste for Salt and Pepper, then serve immediately.