Sunday, January 25, 2009

Vegan Sage-Rubbed Pork Chops with Warm Apple Slaw

Somehow, I'm always unintentionally sparking proverbial fires. If you read my Goat Cheese Stuffed Pork Chops recipe, you already know about my accidental collegiate hell raising. Well, fellow vegans, I've done it again. Apparently, two separate Avril Lavigne fan sites caught wind of last week's post (one in Brazil, one in Argentina) and all out chaos ensued. Nasty comments started popping up on my blog, my inbox was FLOODED with e-mails, 85% of which were in Portuguese or Spanish. My personal favorite stated that I was "an Avril want-to-be hating whore" and that I should "shove cow liver in between my lips and die".

Apparently, my sense of humor doesn't cross cultures.

Avril fans worldwide, I would like to now issue this formal statement of apology. My white flag is up and waving, my tail between my legs:

Avril fans, I am deeply sorry for offending your love of Ms. Lavigne. I shall never again in my wildest dreams long to stand in her spotlight. My hands will never lovingly caress a Skater Boy. I would rather have a Roller Derby Girl, anyway. I will toss out my neck-ties, and opt for the dramatically less fashionably bow tie. I may even abandon neck wear all together and buy a snazzy broach. If a Skater Boy should happen to cross my path, I definitely will not utter the words, "See you later, boy", but will politely decline his offers of courtship with a simple, "No thanks, I'm taken".
My skinny jeans will be burned. I will now only wear my dowdy pair of baggy brown cords, making my non-existent ass look even more lacking.
I hope you will take these concessions with sincerity, as I know I certainly do.
Again, my deepest regrets for upsetting you,

There. Now that the air's been cleared, on to this week's recipe.

I've been on a bit of a kick with these seitan pork chops lately. I don't know why, because I certainly disliked real pork chops. Regardless, I was given the opportunity by some good friends of mine to use their ASS KICKING VIKING OVEN RANGE! The heat distribution was flawless, and the lighting in their kitchen was great to boot.

Thanks, you two ;)

Vegan Sage Rubbed "Pork Chops" with Warm Apple Slaw


Anonymous said...

um, can I come over? j/k! Looks amazing!

Chris said...

My sister was just looking at my computer screen and actually thought I was craving real pork chops, they look that realistic!! What a fantastic recipe, I'll have to try it sometime soon. Now if only I could find Vital Wheat Gluten nearby (I actually found it while I was in Singapore!)

And I'm sure Avril would appreciate the joke; some people take their fandom a little too seriously.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry about the whole Avril thing. Too sad people don't understand jokes :(

These pork chops look stunning and impressive. Great picture too!

Tami said...

Too bad about the Avril thing. I don't want to add fuel to the fire...and her fans can have her. I'm sure she's a lovely person.

But as a vegan, I'm gloating that we've got you.

Your recipe looks incredible, as always! Thanks!

trina said...

ooh, I want to eat this.

miss v said...

my jaw dropped when i read this post. i made *nearly* the same thing (complete with slaw) on saturday was all set to blog about it this week. it's different enough, so i will, but we must have been on the same wavelength. crazy.

janelle said...

I don't know if I have told you, but I just love your sense of humor! You shouldn't have to apologize, you did nothing wrong. Avril fans are crazy. They like her and that shows how crazy they are!

Anonymous said...

totally delicious! and screw those avril fans. she sucks, bwahahaha.

i am dying for some pork chops right now, those look so damn amazing.'s not a viking, it's a dcs, so i hear. :p

Jenni (aka Vegyogini) said...

I don't know if I've ever had real pork chops, but I know for sure that your seitan version is amazing based on your past culinary performance!

Melisser; the Urban Housewife said...

You are making things I've never liked sound appealing!

Anonymous said...

You make the best looking seitan. EVER!

Anonymous said...

Too silly... Avril Lavigne and her fans can go suck it.

Anonymous said...

Wow! I have no clue how I've never stumbled across your rocking blog before now, seeing as I spend 75% of my procrastinating time surfing the vegan blogs, but damn, I'm happy that I did. I love your cooking style (yeah fake meats & seitan, no hatin' here), writing, humour and general awesomeness. Kudos.

MLB2k11 said...

Such a wonderful post. Thanks for the share.
Web Designing| Quora Clone|

Heather said...

Where's the recipe?