Vegan Sage-Rubbed Pork Chops with a Warm Apple Slaw

Somehow, I'm always unintentionally sparking proverbial fires. If you read my Goat Cheese Stuffed Pork Chops recipe, you already know about my accidental collegiate hell raising. Well, readers, I've done it again. 

From what I've uncovered, two separate South American Avril Lavigne fan sites somehow found last week's post. One in Brazil, one in Argentina. All-out chaos erupted. One unsuspecting, beautiful morning, I have my coffee on my porch, and sit down to check my email. I almost fell off my chair.

My inbox was FLOODED with email alerts to nasty comments on my blog, and direct hate-speech emails to me. 85% of them were in Portuguese or Spanish, but they translated loud and clear. My personal favorite accused me of being "an Avril-want-to-be hating whore" and instructed me to "shove cow liver in between my lips and die."

Apparently, my sarcastic sense of humor doesn't cross cultures. 

Avril fans worldwide, I would like to now issue a serious, formal apology:

My white flag is up and waving, my tail between my legs: Avril fans, I am deeply sorry for offending your love of Ms. Lavigne. I shall never again, not even in my wildest dreams, long to stand near her spotlight. My hands will never lovingly caress a Skater Boy. I would prefer a Roller Derby Girl, anyway. I will toss out my neck-ties, and opt for a dramatically less-fashionable bow tie. I may even abandon neck wear all together and buy a snazzy broach. If a Skater Boy should happen to cross my path, I definitely will not utter the words, "See you later, boy." I will politely decline his offers of courtship with a simple, "No thank you, I'm celibate." My skinny jeans will be burned. I will now only wear my dowdy pair of baggy brown cargo pants. I hope this pleases you all because they making my nearly non-existent ass completely vanish. I hope you will take these concessions with sincerity, as I know I feel sincere remorse. My deepest apologies for upsetting you.

Sincerely,

Jenn 

There. Now that the air's been cleared, on to this week's recipe. I've been on a bit of a kick with these seitan pork chops lately. Growing up, I never liked real pork chops. I jumped at the chance when good friends of mine gave me the opportunity to use their ASS KICKING VIKING OVEN RANGE! 

The heat distribution was flawless, and the lighting in their kitchen was great to boot. Thanks, you two ;)

Vegan Sage Rubbed "Pork Chops" with Warm Apple Slaw

[Sorry, everyone. You'll have to find the recipe in my Cookbook, or shoot me a nice email asking for it.]