Let’s all take a moment of silence to mourn the passing of, “Veganize It…Don’t Criticize It!” May it Rest in Peace. 

Okay, that’s long enough. Born April 29th, 2008, VIDCI lived a long life in Internet Years (akin  to Lesbian Years), entertaining many as she aged not-so-gracefully whilst the food blogging world surpassed her. 

Fortunately, I have grown and evolved as a human and chef in ways I never imagined. Am I abandoning a vegan blog? Absolutely not.

I present to the world a new era of Culinary Blogging: Non-Binary Recipes.

That’s right… I do not subscribe to a singular dietary normal here. This is a Non-Denominational kitchen. All recipes posted today and for the foreseeable future will include an Omnivorous and Vegan adaptation. I’ll also include some easy AF Gluten Free substitutes whenever possible. 

If you followed my recently-deceased blog, don’t worry. I haven’t lost an ounce of my snark nor dark humor, and don’t plan on censoring my lewd lexicon and dirty mind. I am sticking to my roots of sharing a TMI-filled life story followed by a recipe. 

Even better news: This time, all recipes will be easy and clean-food centric while maintaining my creative, epicurean standards. If you ever felt exhausted just by reading my old recipe posts or cookbook, I formally apologize. Did I end up diagnosed with ADHD? Yes. To anyone I overwhelmed or scared away from a kitchen, I am truly sorry. I am now deep into my late 30s, and I get it.

My life has also not lost its flair for dramatics. By age 30, I imagined myself writing peacefully on a front porch, a cauldron simmering over an open fire in the background, while the world spun madly on. The age-old saying of, “When you assume, you make an ass out of ‘You’ and ‘Me’” smacked me in the face figuratively and literally. That’s a story (or 100) for another day, and for the nonfiction book I’ve been writing. I’ll include some teasers here. Why suppress one of my kinks?

Personally, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. Thanks for asking. I married the most amazing woman whose dark humor, snark, and gayness match mine. Her intelligence and wit levels transcend mine. She has the sexiest brain – equivalent to her physical exterior & beautiful heart (thanks for putting looks before books, Jenn…) You’ll read plenty more about her, how we met, and about our vacation to meet her family in Greece that dramatically altered my beliefs about food and wellness.

To backtrack a little, I moved away from California in early 2016 to help start a Meal Prep Company/Restaurant hybrid. This laid a foundation for learning a significant amount about nutrition and health. More importantly, I learned new ways to create beautiful dishes that actually fuel human bodies without sacrificing flavor and presentation. In a part of the US with limited options, I created Vegan and Gluten Free variations of everything on our menu.

I’ll be sharing everything I’ve learned, most of what I’ve lived through (and survived to write about it) and my new favorite niche: Desserts.

Let’s get down and dirty… 

Note: If you’re sippin’ on Haterade, the comments section on this site is not your soundboard. Find elsewhere on the internet to complain, slander or vent negative energy. Better yet, find a therapist and stop deflecting that shit on others and in Positive Vibes Only-zones.

Now, on to this week's Recipe and Vegan variation.

Carnitas Grilled Cheese with Quick Jalapeño Bacon Jam

By the way, that first photo up top is just me showing off. If enough of you bribe me, I’ll tell you what’s in the jazzed-up Carnitas Grilled Cheese posted at the top. The recipe posted today will look like this:

See? Even more appealing.

My OG Carnitas Recipe

Carnitas Recipe:

• 1 3.5-5 lb Pork Shoulder (or Butt), skinned

• 1 Cup Olive Oil

• 2 TBSP Minced Fresh Oregano (or 2 TBSP Dried Oregano)

• 2 TBSP Dried Cumin

• 4 Small or 3 Medium Yellow Onions

• 2 Jalapeños, stems removed and halved*

• 8 cloves Fresh Garlic, peeled

• 4-5 Bay Leaves (Fresh, if possible)

• A Shit-Ton of Kosher Salt and Coarse Ground Black Pepper

• 4 Fresh Oranges

• ½ cup Fresh Pineapple Juice (Optional)

• 4-5 Pineapple Sliced Pineapple Rings or 1 cup Diced Pineapple (Optional)

*Chef’s Note: I love spicy food, I leave the seeds and pith (white lines inside the pepper) in the Jalapeños. To be honest, it’s not really spicier if you leave them in because the heat dissipates during braising - feel free to remove the seeds and pith with gloves on.

Preheat your oven to 300 degrees F.

In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together the olive oil, oregano and cumin to form an almost-thick paste. Set aside.

Core and peel the yellow onions, then dice them into 1/4in pieces. Cover them (unless you need a good cry), and set aside. 

Place the four halves of jalapeños and peeled garlic cloves in a food processor and pulse until finely minced - scraping down the sides of the food processor if-needed to ensure even pieces. Set aside.

Grab yourself a large, deep baking pan…about the size you’d need to cook a small turkey. 

Place a thin layer of the onions on the bottom of the deep baking pan, then place the pork shoulder fat-cap side facing downward on top of the onion layer. Grab your shit-ton of kosher salt and coarsely ground black pepper, and season the side of the pork shoulder that’s facing up. 

Flip the pork shoulder over so that the fat-cap is now facing upwards, and evenly crust the rest of the shoulder with more salt and pepper - your goal here is to cover it with a thin, even layer of salt and pepper on all sides.

Next, grab the olive oil/oregano/cumin paste you made, and rub it all over the pork shoulder. Really massage it deep in there like it’s your lover who had a rough day. Make sure the fat-cap is still facing upwards when you’re done giving it a good rub down. 

Take the rest of your diced yellow onions and pour them into the baking pan so they surround the seasoned pork shoulder.  There should be enough onions to fill up the sides of the pan and some to spread on top of the pork.

Take the minced garlic and jalapeños, and cover the exposed top of the pork.  It should form a really thick layer over top and render (cook down) with the fat nicely into the shoulder.  Place the bay leaves on top of the shoulder, too.

Lastly, halve all of the oranges and squeeze them all over the pork and pan contents - do not throw out the squeezed orange halves. Strategically place the orange halves all over the pork shoulder so they can cook their magic into your Carnitas. If you're using it, top with the sliced or diced pineapple and pour the pineapple juice all over.

Tightly wrap the prepared pan with two layers of aluminum foil (heavy duty foil works best), then place in the oven for 4-6 hours.  

Once the thickest point hits 212 degrees F with a meat thermometer and the shoulder is shredding with a fork, this bad girl is done.  

Once cool enough, discard the bay leaves and orange halves. When it’s cooled a little more, pull the carnitas out of the pan and shred well - discarding any unwanted fat. Don’t throw out the goodness in the rest of the pan. There’s a lot you can do with it.

If you're making the Carnitas Grilled Cheese Below: The grilled cheese turns out best when you brown the shredded Carnitas in a sauté pan before making the Grilled Cheese.

Use as directed in any of my Carnitas recipes or get creative and send me some pics.

Before you ask - yes. You absolutely can do this in a slow-cooker. 

Vegan Jackfruit Carnitas Recipe

There will be endless, creative Meal Prep posts in the months/years ahead. Here's a tantalizing photo of the Jackfruit Carnitas Meal-Prepped in a BYO Taco Bowl. I bet you're looking forward to this recipe post...

Jackfruit Carnitas:

• 2 cans of Jackfruit in Brine (or Water)

• 1/2 cup Hot Water

• 2 tsp Better than Bouillon No Chicken Broth Base

• 1 cup Olive Oil

• 1 TBSP Dried Cumin

• 1 TBSP Minced Fresh (or 1 ½ tsp Dried) Oregano

• ½ tsp of Kosher Salt

• ½ tsp Ground Black Pepper

• 2-3 cloves Fresh Garlic

• 1 small or ½ medium to large Yellow Onion, peeled, cored & cut into large pieces.

• 1 Jalapeño - stems, seeds and pith (white parts) removed

• 1 TBSP Sweet Soy Sauce* - or substitute Low Sodium Soy Sauce or Tamari

• ⅓ cup Apple Juice

• ½ cup Freshly Squeezed Orange Juice

*Chef’s Note: If you can’t get your hands on Sweet Soy Sauce, add about ½ TBSP of Agave Nectar or Honey (if you’re going for a Vegetarian variation) with the reduced sodium Soy Sauce/Tamari.

First, open the cans of jackfruit and pour them into a strainer to drain out of all of the liquid. Once well drained, put the jackfruit on a large cutting board. You can shred it with your hands. It takes a little elbow grease, but it’s worth it. Jackfruit shreds just like the braised Carnitas. You can chop it roughly with a knife if you’re in a pinch for time. 

Once shredded into bite-size pieces, place the jackfruit into a large mixing bowl. Cover and place in the refrigerator until ready to use.

If you’re a brat like me and have a water cooler in your kitchen or piping-hot tap water, gather yourself the ½ cup of Hot Water. You can heat it on the stove or in the microwave, too. The water doesn’t need to be boiling, but hot enough to dissolve the bouillon paste. 

Add the Better than Bouillon No Chicken Broth paste into the hot water, and whisk well until fully combined/dissolved. Set aside to cool.

Place the garlic cloves, jalapeño and onion chunks in a food processor and pulse several times until minced. Add in the rest of the ingredients, and blend until fully incorporated. It doesn’t need to be pure liquid unless you want it to be - some texture is nice. .  

Get your jackfruit out of the fridge, and pour the contents of the food processor all over the jackfruit. Mix very well to fully combine and cover the jackfruit. Cover, and place in the fridge to marinate for at least an hours. Overnight is ideal, but not necessary. 

I recommend sauteing in some olive oil before it in any recipes. If you’re using it to make one of mine, I’ll make sure you know what to do with it. 

To Complete the Carnitas Grilled Cheese...

• 6-8 Brioche Buns or 12-14 Thick Slices Challah Bread [Sub Gluten Free Bread if desired]

• Unsalted Butter (The Good Kind), at room temp

• 1 Batch of OG Carnitas (Recipe Above), shredded

• 2-3 cups Shredded Sharp White Cheddar

• 1 cup Grated Port Salut Cheese (Optional - roll fancy like that, but no pressure…)

• 1 Batch Quick Jalapeño Bacon Jam (Recipe Follows)

Preheat a large, cast iron or non-stick skillet over medium or medium-low heat depending on your stove. 

*I will also include a life hack to make these on baking sheet pans or cast iron griddle pans in the oven. If you’re going the life-hack route, preheat your oven to 425 degrees F.*

If you’re using Brioche Buns, place them “inside out” on a cutting board. We’re using what would typically be the inside of a burger bun as the outside of the grilled cheese. Lightly butter the former inside of the buns, and flip them over so the outside is ready to be topped. 

If using sliced Challah bread, lightly butter one side of each slice and flip them over so we can build these beautiful things.

Build your grilled cheese like so:

1. A layer of Grated Sharp White Cheddar on the bottom bun/slice.

2. A handful of Shredded Carnitas.

3. A layer of more Sharp White Cheddar and some Shredded Port Salut (if using).

4. Schmear the Jalapeño Bacon Jam on the inside of the top bun/slice.

5. Flip the top bun/slice over to feast your eyes on the glory of your almost-cooked grilled cheese.

If you’re using the stove top method, place 2-3 grilled cheese at a time in your pan, and press them down with a sandwich press, second cast iron pan or push down with a spatula.

Depending on the power of your oven, about 2-4 minutes per-side. Keep an eye on how much the bread is browning so you can adjust the heat and not burn.

Once all the cheese is melty and the bread is perfectly toasted, remove them from the pan and cook the rest in batches. 

Serve immediately.

They also can be quartered for a snazzy passed appetizer at parties or passed back and forth on your couch.

*Life-Hack Method: Place all prepared grilled cheeses on a large cast iron grill pan or baking sheet in the oven. Find a way to press them down safely - I use a second sheet pan with my heaviest cast-iron skillet placed on top. Keep an eye on them, checking on them about 5-6 minutes after you’ve placed them in the oven. Flip them once, then put the weight back on. They’ll be done in about 3-4 more minutes.

Quick Jalapeño Bacon Jam

Ingredients:

• 2 lbs Uncured Bacon or Turkey Bacon, finely chopped

• 4 Jalapeños, stem, seeds and pith removed

• 1 TBSP Apricot Preserves/Jam

In a small saucepan over medium heat, carefully cook the bacon pieces until they are crispy AF. Do not remove any of the bacon grease from the saucepan during or after the cooking process. You have to trust me. 

Once the bacon is crispy-crunch, turn off the heat and carefully remove the bacon from the grease - leaving the bacon grease in the saucepan - and set it aside on a towel-lined plate to cool for a few minutes. 

Puree the jalapeños in a food processor or blender. If you don’t have either, just mince them as finely as you can. Put the pureed jalapeños into the remaining bacon grease, and turn your stove burner’s heat on medium-low. Saute the jalapeños, stirring occasionally, until soft and getting translucent. 

Once the bacon has cooled for a few minutes, chop the bacon on a large cutting board into the smallest pieces you can. 

Once the bacon is chopped and the jalapeños have sauteed, add the chopped crispy bacon and 1 TBSP of apricot preserves into the saucepan. Stir vigorously to combine.

This shit is addicting - you’ve been warned. 

Use immediately, or refrigerate and reheat gently/let get to room temp before using.

Vegan Jalapeño Bacon Jam

• 2 lbs Vegan Bacon* - Ideally, Hooray Foods or Umaro Foods Vegan Bacon [if it’s hit stores yet...]

• 4 Jalapeños, stem, seeds and pith removed

• 1 TBSP Apricot Preserves/Jam - Check the label to make sure it’s Vegan.

• ¼ cup Olive Oil

*Chef’s Tip: If you can’t find a good crispy Vegan Bacon, Bacon Bits are Vegan and will work in a pinch. You’ll need about 1 ¼ cup - special instructions for using them are included in the recipe. Alternatively, you can make my Vegan Pancetta recipe + crisp it even more.

In a small saucepan over medium heat, carefully cook the chopped vegan bacon pieces until they are as crispy as you can get them. Do not remove any of the excess cooking liquid the Vegan bacon leaves behind. You’ll need it.

Once the Vegan bacon is crispy-crunch, turn off the heat and carefully remove the bacon from the pan - leaving the cooking juices in the saucepan - and set it aside on a towel-lined plate to cool for a few minutes. 

Puree the jalapeños in a food processor or blender. If you don’t have either, just mince them as finely as you can. 

In the same saucepan you used to cook the Vegan bacon, add in the olive oil and the pureed jalapeños over medium heat. *If you’re using Bacon Bits, add them in here - no need to chop them.* Saute the jalapeños, stirring occasionally, until soft and getting translucent. 

Once the Vegan bacon has cooled for a few minutes, chop the Vegan bacon on a large cutting board into the smallest pieces you can.

Once the bacon is chopped and the jalapeños have sauteed, add the chopped crispy bacon and 1 TBSP of apricot preserves into the saucepan. Stir vigorously to combine.

Use immediately, or refrigerate and reheat gently/let get to room temp before using.

To Complete the Vegan Carnitas Grilled Cheese...

• 6-8 Vegan Burger Buns [Sub other Vegan bread or Gluten Free Bread if desired]

• 4-6 TBSP good Vegan Butter like Myokos, at room temperature

• 1 Batch of OG Vegan Carnitas (Recipe Above), shredded and crisped in a sauté pan.

• 2-3 cups Vegan Cheddar (if possible, White Cheddar)

• 1 Batch Vegan Jalapeño Bacon Jam (Recipe Above)

Preheat a large, cast iron or non-stick skillet over medium or medium-low heat depending on your stove. 

If you’re using buns, place them “inside out” on a cutting board. We’re using what would typically be the inside of a burger bun as the outside of the grilled cheese. Lightly vegan-butter the former inside of the buns, and flip them over so the outside is ready to be topped. 

If using sliced Vegan bread, lightly vegan-butter one side of each slice and flip them over so we can move on to getting melty.

Build your grilled cheese like so:

1. A layer of Grated Vegan Cheddar on the bottom bun/slice.

2. A handful of Shredded Vegan Carnitas (don't forget to crisp them in a sauté pan first!)

3. A layer of more Grated Vegan Cheddar

4. Schmear the Vegan Jalapeño Bacon Jam on the inside of the top bun/slice.

5. Flip the top bun/slice over to feast your eyes on the glory of your almost-cooked vegan grilled cheese.

If you’re using the stove top method, place 2-3 grilled cheese at a time in your pan, and press them down with a sandwich press, second cast iron pan or push down with a spatula.

Once all the vegan cheese is melty and the bread is perfectly toasted, remove them from the pan and cook the rest in batches. 

Serve immediately.