Coffee-Rubbed Vegan Steak Tacos with Grilled Wild Mushroom, Cherry Tomato & Corn Salsa

I'm in the midst of minor quarter-life crisis. I don't have issues embracing myself, per se. I openly admit and accept that I'm eccentric, tomboyish, a hopeless romantic, lack fashion sense  and nunchuck skills. I’m also a total dweeb, overly neurotic about cleanliness, gayer than Ellen, sarcastic, a horrible dancer when sober, and enjoy 80s sitcom re-runs. I declare my quirks with pride. 

I've realized my greatest shortcoming is that I'm with entirely too selective. I subconsciously limit myself to new and different experiences that could be fun and help me grow. This is most likely rooted in a deep place of fear that I don't want to dig up. 

As individuals, being independently selective can protect us and boost our quality of life.

I look around me, and see how people close to me impose similar, life-enriching restrictions.  For example, my sister is a picky eater. She's alright with that, but it's completely incomprehensible to me. If you put something vegan in front of my face and tell me it's good, you bet your ass I'll not only taste it, but most likely make it disappear faster than Paris Hilton's music career. Put something unknown in front of her, and verbal persuasion does nothing. She'll poke at the food, smell it, hold it under a microscope and run diagnostic testing. There's about a 35% chance she may actually take a taste. 

Why am I keeping myself in a proverbial box by saying “no”?

This mini crisis arose because I... 

*swallows pride as this is hard to admit*

…I need to get a job. On top of it all, I'm spoiled. I had the luck and opportunity of living the life of a freelance artist for a few years, but the commercial royalties are running low, Reno 911! reruns just don't generate enough to pay the bills, and I’m not touching my savings until I start to lose my hearing. Not that I haven't worked in the past few years. I've worked on several film and TV projects. I busted my ass baking Vegan Twinkies for the masses for quite some time, but my true love of cooking led me away from the bakery to focus on finishing my cookbook. 

I had an amazing job at the sadly-closed Jax Vegan Cafe,  spoiling me even further because I loved going to work every day. To me, it was restaurant-work utopia, and it set my standards entirely too high. I'm starting a vegan menu design business, but I need something solid while I seek out more clientele. 

I know I want to work in a restaurant kitchen. I want to be allowed a little creativity. I don't want to work with animal products, drive more than a few miles to work (aka stay east of the 405) and I don't want to work for assholes. According to Craigslist, I'm going to be looking for a job for the next 5 years.  

I'm being too picky, but I'm also trying to figure out a good reason why I should compromise aside from a need for money to support my obsessive grocery shopping habit. For now, my only answer is to take matters into my own hands. I'm just going to start knocking on doors of the restaurants I want to work for, and handle this with my charm and pizzazz.

On a related note, one of my fantasy jobs is having my own cooking show. The Food Network is also known for its issues with pickiness AKA no shows that don't enlist T-Bone (no, I don't mean the rapper) as a regular guest star. While I was procrastinating my job hunt last week, I made a little show in my kitchen. Time to start telling myself, “Yes, let’s try this.” instead of “no”.

Fair warning: I embrace the fact that I'm a total dweeb, and curse like a trucker driver. Keep your kids out of the room. I apologize in advance if I ramble like an idiot. I was a little nervous.

Coffee-Rubbed Vegan Steak Tacos with Grilled Lobster Mushroom, Heirloom Cherry Tomato and Corn Salsa

Coffee-Rubbed Steak

• 1 batch Beef Style Seitan*
• About 8 Tortillas, warmed before serving
• 1 TBSP Organic Coffee, Ground
• 2 tsp Organic Brown Sugar
• 2 tsp cracked Black Pepper
• 1/2 tsp ground Coriander Seed
• Pinch of Cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp Kosher Salt
• Organic Canola Oil Spray, for greasing grill pan or grill

*Chef's Note: When you prepare the Beef Style Seitan, make sure you cut the dough into "Steak" shaped pieces before dropping into the boiling broth. Make sure your Beef Style Seitan "Steaks" are drained well. 

In a small bowl, combine the remaining ingredients well. Rub each "Steak" liberally with the Coffee-Rub, then place in an air-tight container or plastic bag. 

Place the rubbed "Steaks" into the refrigerator for at least an hour. 

Use a knife or electric blade to thinly slice the steak. 

Grease a grill pan or large skillet well over medium-high heat, then grill the slices of "steak" for 3-4 minutes on each side until brown. 

  Lobster Mushroom, Heirloom Cherry Tomato and Corn Salsa

• 2 TBSP Canola Oil, divided
• 2 cloves Garlic, minced or pressed
• 1/2 oz Dried Lobster Mushrooms
• 3 oz Shiitake Mushrooms, sliced (about 1 1/2 cups)
• 2 ears fresh Corn Kernels (or about 1 cup thawed frozen Corn Kernels)
• 1 small Sweet Onion, halved and thinly sliced
• Lime Juice, for deglazing pan (about 1 TBSP)
• 1 Jalepeno Pepper, seeded and diced
• 1 cup Heirloom Cherry Tomatoes, quartered
• 3 TBSP Green Onion, thinly sliced
• 1/8 cup Fresh Cilantro Leaves, chopped
• 1/4 tsp Chili Powder
• 1 TBSP Fresh Lime Juice, plus an extra 2 tsp for de-glazing skillet
• Sea Salt, to taste

Soak the dried Lobster Mushrooms in water for about an hour. Drain the mushrooms well, then roughly dice on a cutting board. 

Heat the first 1 TBSP of Canola Oil in a large skillet over high heat. 

Add the Corn, and both the diced Lobster Mushrooms and sliced Shiitakes to the pan, then cook 3-5 minutes until brown. Add the Garlic, sliced Sweet Onion to the pan, and the 1 tsp of the Lime Juice to deglaze. Saute for about 1 minute, then add the another 1tsp of Lime Juice, Corn Kernels and diced Jalepeno to the pan. 

Saute until the Onions are translucent and beginning to brown. 

Turn the heat down to medium low, and add the quartered Heirloom Cherry Tomatoes to the pan. Saute for 30 seconds, remove the pan from heat, and allow to cool to room temperature. 

Once cooled, place the contents of the pan into a large bowl and toss with the 1 TBSP of Lime Juice, Green Onions, Fresh Cilantro and Chili Powder. Add salt to taste. 

Serve over "steak" tacos.