Vegan Coconut Vinegar Scallops in Lemongrass Basil Creme Sauce + Garlic Coconut Rice

This week proved to be a much tamer one for the Veganize It...Don't Criticize It email inbox. Will I watch my mouth so that no one goes postal when my sarcastic words are misconstrued? Hecks nah. You should know me better than that by now. 

Issue 2: I know look like a 12-year-old. Bouncers, 7Eleven clerks and citizens of Los Angeles: I'm well aware that, for whatever reason, genetics didn't bless my body with height and curves that accompany others entering womanhood. My most womanly quality is my Little-Old-Lady-Chain-Smoker-From-Brooklyn-Voice, and I'm cool with that. 

There has not been a single alcohol, tobacco or lotto ticket buying experience over the past few years free of extreme ID scrutiny and public humiliation. It's a hurdle I've expected to pop up in my daily routine. 

Who had the most audacity? Here's my top 3 Most Ageist experiences, and you can decide for yourself:

1) Election Day, November 2008 I walk into my designated polling place. I'm all hopped up and excited to voice my opinion on my right to wed, and of course to vote in the Presidential election. I get in line. I wait. I wait longer. FINALLY, I get up to the table. The lady checking in voters looks up at me, and a kind yet sympathetic smiles spreads across her face. She looks me in the eyes and says...

"Oh, honey, where's your mother? Are you lost?"

I reply, "No, I'm here to vote. My mother lives in Northern California." I can feel her heart skip a beat from my deep, old-lady-chain-smoker voice.

She looks at my ID. She looks at me. She looks back at my ID, consults the registry book, and hands me the forms. 

Never missing an opportunity to be snarky, I assure her "Don't worry...I drink from the Fountain of Youth. It's off Sunset and Doheny." 

2) Barney's Beanery, September 2007 My best friend Sita and both happened to be blessed with youthful good looks. One night, we wanted to go out for a quick drink. Options are limited in Santa Monica, so we decided on Barney's. As we're walking up to the door, the bouncer stops us both. He actually LAUGHS at us and says, "Sorry, ladies, we don't allow anyone under 21 inside". I'd had enough. I felt my inner Jewish bitch dying to be unleashed. I took a deep, calming breath and did not speak calm words: 

"Don't you think it would be wise to look at our IDs first? Maybe I've had plastic surgery. I could actually be 40." 

I hand him my ID, which he checks once under a lamp, then a second time under the flashlight. He says, "This isn't the real DMV background."

"WHAT?!", I exclaim. I then turn to my friend. "Sita..show him your ID."

He holds our IDs side by side, actually growls at us, then lets us in. The waitress then asked for my ID again at the table. 

3) Fantastic Sam's Hair, August 2007. My mom was visiting me from NorCal, and she accompanied me to get a hair cut. I was led to the rocket ship for children for my hair cut and offered a fucking lolly pop. I shit you not. 

 Now, my recipe. Two weeks ago, I had a great visit to the Saturday Santa Monica Farmers Market at Virginia Park. I don't go to the markets as much this time of year because Heirloom Tomatoes and Basil aren't in season, and it's a little sad. 

There's an adorable older lady that runs an organic herbs and greens stand. She says "I haven't seen you in so long!". "I know...Basil's out of season. I miss it so much". She pulls a bag out from under the table. "I have something special for you! Here!" She hands me two gorgeous bunches of organic basil. I turned as red as a school girl eyeing her crush. 

 Check out the rest of my Farmer's Market bounty...

I wanted to put it all to some good use, and I hadn't made my tofu scallops in quite a while. This is actually a pretty easy recipe.

[Sorry, everyone. You'll have to find the recipe in my Cookbook, or shoot me a nice email asking for it.]