Happy Birthday, Wifey. The Hackers Will Go Down...

Dear VIDCI Readers...

Hi. I'm so sorry I have neglected my blog over the past few weeks.

So, what happened, exactly? Well, shit is going down. A lot of shit. Were Jane and I too trusting, too giving of ourselves, our home and our money? Yes. Were we taken advantage of? Yes. I won't go into too many personal details. I won't name names. But I will say this:

Whoever you are, please leave my bank accounts, credit cards and family alone. I know you think you're funny by sending my mother several subscriptions to magazines through her Discover card and sending my wife baby magazines, but save the planet. I know you're aware that all my accounts are on lockdown, but that's not an excuse to break into our home while we're sleeping and steal the little cash we have left. We don't want you to give us anything back, but please, just leave us alone.

Again, readers, sorry I've been MIA. This bitch will definitely be back in the kitchen soon. Right now, it's about survival of the fittest. So I'm doing my pull-ups and preparing to kick some ass...figuratively, of course. My oven stands ready to be fired up. I have a stack of recipes raring to go. And patients on my part is definitely a virtue.

Oh, and one last piece of advice to the hackers/burglars/all around A HOLES...

Never, never, mess with a Jew and her money. Remember what they say on South Park: I have a little bag of Jew Gold around my neck, so you'll have to pin me down and pry it from my hands. Go on, I dare you. Jane and I will not be taken down.

Love always,
JennShaggy